The Kink of Choosing Yourself

This photo is evidence of years of work I've done to love myself, allow myself to be comfortable in my own skin and be ok with others seeing in me in my power. I want you to have this experience!

Last time we were together, we sat with the uncomfortable truth that your body is a temple with a ticking clock, and that true self-love can sound like a declarative roar.

Well, aren’t we advanced?! Give yourself a pat on the back for that heavy lifting.
Now, let’s talk about turning up the heat on your self-love practice.

I would like to talk to you about this from my perspective as a Dominatrix (Domme). Not everybody knows about that aspect of my work, because it isn't for everyone. But when clients honor me by asking to support an eroticized and, oftentimes, unknown exploration of their “taboo” desire I receive the gift of a very intimate perspective. A perspective that reveals the nuanced and complicated way human beings relate to themselves. I see people struggle most with guilt and self-judgement about what they feel and desire. I don’t know a human being who can’t relate to that, including myself.

We have been culturally conditioned (shout out to the Patriarchy and Organized Religion for the free training) to believe that choosing our own desire is "naughty," "selfish," or "dangerous."

Witch Wisdom: When confronting self-judgement, please take a moment to ask yourself if you were given the opportunity to inform the standards by which you presently compare yourself, your thoughts and your desires.

As Mystress M (my domme name) I would encourage you to try reaching beyond the initial discomfort that comes up when really seeing oneself or what one wants. Try moving towards your desires anyways. I’m very aware of how hard this can, so make it as fun/hot/kinky/sexy as you can.

For example, when you register for my Self-Love Dance Party (do it now! Ah, Mystress M...she’s enthusiastic) come dressed as the version of you that is already liberated.

That does NOT mean come dressed for everybody else's gaze. That means come dressed in the way that makes you feel the most comfortable in your own skin. If that is a sexy outfit, GREAT. If that is a potato sack, GREAT. If that is your jammies and slippers, GREAT. Now you understand the assignment.

Link: https://smarterbodies.ac-page.com/february-2026-self-love-dance-party

Together, on February 18th, at 8pm Eastern, we aren't just wiggling our hips to good tunes. We are celebrating the versions of us that finally stood up and said, "I am the one in charge here."

There is a specific, electrical charge that happens in the nervous system when you enforce a boundary that everyone expects you to soften. There is a somatic "thrum" in the belly when you say a hard NO to an obligation that drains your marrow, and a full-bodied YES to something that actually turns you on, whether it be it a project, a person, or just an extra hour of silence.

Domme Wisdom: Sovereignty is a choice.

If it’s too hard to make that choice on your own I’ll be there to support you when we meet at the Dance.

With a crop and a smile,

Mel, The Body Witch