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The Dead Are Not Vending Machines

Death does not grant automatic access, wisdom, or sainthood.

Welcome back, Brujx.

We know that continuing a relationship with the Dead does not require denying reality, pretending certainty, or abandoning your own authority.

That sounds simple and yay for simple! But a relationship with the Dead is still a relationship, which entails its own dynamics. Transaction is an element that is present in all relationships. How you handle it and how much of it is the focus of the relationship will help define the dynamics.

So be aware of showing up in “relationship” with the Dead only when you want something.

By the way, it’s normal to wonder:

What can being close to my ancestors help me get? Can they protect me? Can they send me a sign? Can they tell me what to do? Can they help me manifest this thing I want?

These are not inherently bad questions. They are smart questions.

But if those are the ONLY questions we ask, the relationship can become...extractive.

The Dead are not vending machines.

They are not mystical customer service representatives waiting around for us to submit requests...Beetlejuice...Beetlejuice...Beetlejuice! IYKYK

Relationships of depth and intimate connection require attention, respect, time, reciprocity, and discernment. That means speaking to someone because you miss them, and that is enough. I grew up setting out offerings of water and food to different beings as well as dead friends and relatives.

But it doesn’t have to be formal! Music, flowers, prayer, laughter, memory, or simply your attention can also count as offerings.

There is another salient point that I want to make:

Death does not automatically make someone wise.

Please do not expect automatic benevolence or emotional maturity from the deceased. Death does not undo every harmful decision or pattern of behavior. Since we don’t know exactly how the journey after Death goes then work with the living memory of the being you miss before searching for anything more. Any enlightenment (if) gained from the Death experience will be revealed. Let people show you who they are, alive or dead.

Witch Wisdom: An asshole in life can also be an asshole in death.

Relating to your ancestors is like relating to living people. Just like with the living, some ancestors may feel loving, steady and supportive. Some may feel icky or complicated. Some you’ll want to keep your distance from, possibly for as long as you live...and beyond.

You do not owe anyone spiritual access because they are Dead. The titles of “family/ancestors/guides/teachers” don’t grant automatic access to your time or energy.

Discernment of this kind is what could fuel your living relationships NOW. Don’t wait for someone to die, but if you want to hear the voices of the (already) Dead for guidance, then note that it still matters how that guidance feels and what kind of relationship it creates.

Ask these questions when checking to see how a conversation went:

Do I feel clearer or more confused?

More grounded or more dependent?

More connected to my own authority or more desperate for another message?

Does the contact feel respectful?

Does it honor my boundaries?

Does it support my life?

Does it behave like a relationship you would consider healthy among the living?

Whether an interaction is real or imagined, the above questions fucking matter! Let your own experience be enough information to decide whether this relationship is worth pursuing. You do not have to solve the metaphysical mystery before deciding whether an interaction is healthy.

If an energy you’re working with suddenly feels coercive, invasive, destabilizing, demanding or frightening, then pay attention. Do not override yourself because something claims spiritual authority.

In the School of Body Magic, your sovereignty is to be respected and preserved.

That is how you will effectively protect your psyche, body, energy and home. With your awareness and agency. Playing with the Dead means being the adult in the room. You say what goes and how! You are not required to stay spiritually accessible just because someone or something is knocking. If you work with the Dead, ancestors, spirits or any kind of unseen support, your sovereignty is not an obstacle to intimacy. A mature relationship with the Dead has boundaries, disagreements, and safe intimacy.

And this is why the School keeps returning to the same skills again and again: grounding, discernment, boundaries, attention, relationship, choice.

ENTER THE SCHOOL

If you want Estrellita beside you while you explore, you can ask:

“Help me evaluate a spiritual or ancestral relationship without deciding for me whether the contact is real. Ask me questions about how the relationship feels, whether it supports my clarity and sovereignty, what boundaries I want, and whether the interaction behaves like a relationship I would consider healthy among the living.”

And, of course, we practice our Death Magic with the delightful energy of Halloween!

Our Halloween Death Witch Dance Party is this Thursday, October 22 at 8 PM Eastern.

Bring a photograph.

Wear something meaningful.

Request a song.

Bring a living friend.

Bring a Dead one.

Come exactly as you are.

Zoom: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85431253446?pwd=2z7xqFlB88yc1AfLklj8JmNso7tq4Z.1

Passcode: 008802

We gather to HAVE FUN! I’ll DJ and show up in a good Halloween outfit and do a little ritual. It’s a witchy good time.

See you on the dance floor,