The Ghost at the Table: Dismantling the Family Myth

It’s May! Much to celebrate, including Mother’s Day (here in the USA). Then next month, Father’s Day! Summer can be an opportunity to celebrate and nourish those major connections to Family.

But what if that sounds fake to you or perhaps even foreign?

I want to specifically speak to those who feel left out of the FAMILIA stuff. Maybe you have a complicated relationship with your parents (true for everyone) or you don’t speak to them (I know about that!) or 

• You never felt like part of your family.
• You had an abusive childhood.
• You are adopted and there is still so much to resolve IF possible.
• You have a great relationship with your parents and siblings...as long as they never see the REAL YOU. 

There could be so many reasons why these traditional celebrations don’t land well for you.

Witch Wisdom: The grandiose myth of the perfect family is exactly that...A MYTH.

Observe from a distance and you will see that most people report experiences contrary to the Ozzy and Harriet picture of primary tribe. Continue to observe from a distance and you will see a cyclical pattern emerge. Generation upon generation, naturally complex humans try to contort themselves into a role or neat story. From the moment we’re born we are fed stories about the group of strangers we’re born into. Their “names,” their roles and what they provide becomes critical to learn very quickly. As we grow and get to know them, we’re even told how to see/feel/relate to them. Then a very common experience happens. 

You know the one. It’s when “reality”(or what’s being reported to/reflected to /imposed upon/mirrored at you) does not match up with the experience you are having or have had. The vague space between the two “realities” is a space full of all kinds of doubts and anxieties.

Have you ever tried to share this experience with people who you’re supposed to trust?

What was the result? 

Many of us have had that vulnerable moment weaponized against us, sometimes unconsciously by other players and sometimes intentionally. This can result in feeling alone, stupid, unworthy or rejected. Sometimes, the consequences of those moments can be dark and go beyond just being manipulated to feel insecure about ourselves or our standing within “the family.” These are terrifying states for humans to confront, especially as children. 

I hope you have learned to soothe the younger parts of yourself that had to witness and absorb that. 

I know that kind of pain myself. Remembering it tightens up my core in a way that cuts off my breath (a somatic brace for what’s to come perhaps)...*Group Hug * Thank you. I needed that. It’s always nice to remember we are not alone in our suffering.

Writing this newsletter feels like a dropping into an intense group therapy session, so I’m going to give us a break. 🙂

The rest of the newsletters in this series for May will continue to address the Shadow Work associated with Ancestral Healing. I'll see you in the next one.

P.S. Please take extra time to soothe yourself after this meeting of ours. We all deserve it when talking about Family stuff.